Blood, sweat and fears... Part II

"Trust the timing of your life. Stay positive, stay calm, stay determined, stay focussed, and most of all trust your journey"

So, it's been a while but so much has happened; although somewhat disappointingly I don't feel a huge amount further forward! I must admit it's become all too easy to focus on the negatives, so this post is all about the positives, of which there are also plenty.

I love the sentiment of Kintsukuroi

The big positive and perhaps the most unexpected was that the shattered segments of my humeral head actually healed really well, despite still being visible on x-ray and MRI. I think I'll have a personal jigsaw puzzle of a shoulder for quite a while to come. With that box ticked, we could start to look at the soft tissue... not so good! To cut a very long story short the bones and soft tissues needed opposing rehabilitation - one requiring immobilisation and one gentle movement. With the latter not possible, the shoulder capsule started to heal in an extremely thickened manner, disrupting the coraco-humeral ligament along the way. Think pencil line becoming a medium sized DIY paintbrush and you are getting somewhere near - essentially a traumatic 'frozen shoulder' or adhesive capsulitis on top of the damage. This did little for my confidence as frozen shoulders are more generally found in an older, inactive population; so it was a connotation I felt that I could do without. However, thankfully, they are not an uncommon side-effect of a more serious injury, hence being referred to as of traumatic origin (cue feeling less old and lazy!)

Being keen to avoid the major surgical route for as long as possible, I elected to try a hydrodilatation procedure. This involves the shoulder capsule being flushed out, under pressure, with antibiotics, steroids and saline - with the aim of 'pushing' the capsule away from the adhesions that have formed. I can certainly vouch that, despite the very cheery approach and skill of Richard Collins (@LinearProbe); its darn painful!!

Ultrasound guided hydrodilatation

Whilst this helped to regain some movement, it wasn't as successful as I'd hoped - I was still well below 90 degrees in any direction and below 30 in some. There was one last option to throw at it conservatively - a week of intense rehabilitation at The Fire Fighter's Charity. As a serving member of Fire Service staff I am fortunate to be eligible to access the services at any of the three UK centres - Harcombe House, Devon, Marine Court in West Sussex or Jubilee House in Cumbria. I opted for the latter simply because it was the most straightforward train journey for me. They offer 3 - 7 day stays which are either physical or psychological focussed as well as nursing care. The ethos at every centre is that of a holistic, multi-disciplinary approach. Although our programme was physical injury focussed, we also had sessions on sleep, pain management, meditation, mindfulness and coping with stress. The concept that we were introduced to early on and that I struggled with the most was adjusting to 'a new you'. Not the New Year Nonsense that we are exposed to annually just before 1st January (that deserves a whole blog post of it's own!) but a new 'normal' whether that be movement or pain restricted or both. I have only ever seen 'this' as a temporary blip in proceedings, although clearly there's been many things that I've been unable do since April - so perhaps in some ways I am more accepting than I think...

Prehab week at Jubilee House, Cumbria, held together by SPORTTAPE

As the week went on, it became clear to me that it was more 'prehab' than rehab. The staff were fantastic, the facilities excellent and the location perfect, so although my shoulder wasn't up for 'playing', it was a great experience and I met some super people. Spending time with others who are also struggling with a variety of injuries at various stages of recovery always helps to normalise the things you can't do. At dinner one evening, without a moment of hesitation, Gordon, the chap I was sat next to offered to cut up my chicken, knowing full well that I was unable to use a knife and fork at the same time. That made a pleasant change from feeling like you are under peoples' gaze for appearing 'different' on the odd occasion that you venture out. 

Fast forward a couple of weeks and rehab takes a huge step forward... but that is another post!